What I want to be when I grow up

My wife and I have been talking quite a bit lately about our next career moves. She has her administration license and is looking for an assistant principal job. I will be going into my 9th year teaching next year and I have been at the same school the whole time (not counting a year I was a sub in Rockford, IL). If I am going to move to a new school or district, I need to do so in the next year or two in order to keep my pay where it is (other districts often only give you credit for a maximum of 10 years).

The problem is we are both feeling restless. She wants out of the classroom. I won't go into all the reasons why. She's not giving up on education. She just wants something new more than she wants to be in the classroom and if you don't love it in there, it makes a very difficult day-to-day living.

I'm not sure if I do want something new or not. I'm not really sure where I want to end up. My dilemma is more along the lines of trying to figure out where I want to be when I grow up (at 32 already).

I have a passive tendency from my father. He is a wonderful man and a great dad. He's been a speech pathologist in the same school district since I can remember. He's been coaching cross country and track at the same high school since, what seems like, the beginning of time. He's  very nice but generally passive individual. Its what makes him awesome, though. But, in me, it's what makes me unsure if I want to leave what I have. Do I try to find a new job in the district at a high school and try that out? That might help me if I want to try to teach in college. Do I want to teach in college? Where could I do that? What about a design firm or something? Am I even qualified?.... Now you see how my brain has been working and why I often stop thinking of it and just forge ahead with where I'm at. The options are vague and abstract. I don't see how any other path might work. I just cant picture it.

Let's list what I have and see if its worth risking or losing. I have an Art job at a fairly new (8 years old) middle school at the beginning of the eastern plains of Colorado. Its 10 minutes from my house, 30 from downtown Denver, and I can see the mountains from my classroom. I get to come up with and write whatever lessons I want to fulfill the standards. I have a decent budget, but dwindling every year. I have 6 classes a day of about 35-40 kids, which is becoming a lot with more kids in my class every year. I have to do duty everyday outside in the morning, which isn't bad when its nice. My school leadership drives me a little crazy, but my principal just announced he is retiring. Next year could be interesting because of this. All that being said about my school, I haven't experienced any other type of school, population of students, or ways of doing things. Maybe my school is amazing. Maybe it sucks. I don't have much to compare it to.

On another note, I also have a coaching gig at the high school next door. I coach cross country and track (except I took this year off from track with the baby and all). I built that program from 15 kids in last place to 50 strong and league champions. Tha'ts going to be very hard for me to give up. Its a passion. I love coaching and I love that team. That might actually be the hardest thing for me to walk away from if I have to/choose to leave for something else.

I also make a decent wage and am now responsible for a baby boy. It scares me to walk away from something so stable and put him at risk because I want to do something else possibly.

With all that being said and listed out and all the real positives that come with all that, there's still a lingering feeling I need to do something else, something more, something different. I feel like I am smart enough, cable enough, talented enough to do something bigger that would allow me greater opportunities. ( I sound like Stuart Smalley from SNL)

Maybe its because I keep listening to these podcasts that interview creative and successful people. They talk about their influences and daily rituals and how they got to be where they are. They've traveled, started businesses, written books, met with others of influence, etc. I listen to these people to try to figure out how I can take the next step, but recently I've just felt like these people are inadvertently mocking me. Its pointing out all the stuff I haven't done yet and didn't do when I was younger and might never do now that I'm older. Damn it! Its motivating but also depressing. How something can be both I don't know. I want to do something drastic and follow my passion and put in the work to become something new and better, but I'm not sure what that is, how to start, and if its too late. Maybe I'm too old, too set in my skill sets and experiences, too settled down with a family and debt and a house, etc. Don't get me wrong... I love my wife and son. I love my dog. I love where I live. But, those are all things I am responsible for and can't just up and go back to art school because I want to be a better painter or something.

All this leaves me wondering what my next step is going to be. Will I just stay here and teach art at the same school forever, coaching into the sunset? I can think of worse things, but the thought of that makes me just as nervous. I think there's more out there to experience. We only get one life in the flesh. I don't think I should spend it doing the same thing for 30+ years. I am not knocking those who do. If you are perfectly happy where you are, doing what you do, that seems fine to me. For me, though, I believe strongly that there's more out there. I just don't know what or where it is yet. Maybe that's okay. I am open to opportunity. I just wonder if I should give opportunity a nudge and in what direction.

Outliers... How important is success, anyway?

I recently finished Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers, which I got a hold of after reading Blink. Outliers is a book about success and how some have achieved it, but its maybe not what you think. Its not about the people themselves and their personalities that make them successful. Bill Gates wasn't incredibly successful just because he was smart and determined. This book is about the circumstances that successful people come from and the series of happenings, events, and opportunities that also allow them to become successful. It's about systems and timing and location, etc.

It may sound like this way of looking at success i sdownplaying someone's drive and ability over their circumstances. It is. It very much is. One example I can explain from the book quickly deals with hockey players. A great deal of the professional hockey players in the NHL are born in January. Weird, huh? Not really. The cutoff date for little league hockey in the US and Canada is January 1st. Ah ha? If you were born in January you will be older than a kid born in December trying out for the same spot. You will have almost a year's worth of growth and development on them. That's why so many hockey players that play professional are born in January. They got the lucky draw on birthdays.

This bit is right in the beginning of the book. After reading this I felt a moment of panic. My son was just born this past December. I thought, "Oh crap! What else has a January cut-off!? Is my son at a disadvantage now?" The more I made my way through the book, though, the less panicked I was. I realized that there's a lot about "success" that one can't even control at all. For instance... the Great Depression caused families at the time to stop having kids. A little less than a decade later, the public school systems, especially in big cities, had less kids per class than normal. Less kids per class means better teaching. Better teaching means better education..... You can follow how it works. So worrying about all the circumstances I would have to consider for my son to be successful isn't a good use of time or energy. All I can do is try my best to set him up for success.

This book doesn't say that it is ONLY circumstances and coincidence that leads to success. Its in combination with people willing to put forth effort and maybe have the smarts, the talent, and drive to make the most of the circumstances they've been given. But success is not determined by these factors alone. Other outside forces must be involved. Often times, a little bit of success or "luck" will allow an individual to have another, even better, opportunity. From that opportunity, even more opportunities arise.

I think it is in this idea we see where much of the civil unrest in our society comes from. When those of us willing to work hard put in the time and effort needed and feel that we are smart enough to be successful at a high level don't see ourselves becoming successful like others, we ask why. Without having to do a lot of digging in to that question, the word "opportunity" comes to mind. If you are from the middle and low classes financially, there are often less opportunities available to build upon. Yes, certainty there are some, but its very difficult for individuals in this country to move from one class to a higher one. There are tons of different reasons for this and there probably are many books written about it. I am not advocating for anarchy or to tear down the classes. But it is good to recognize what's really in front of you, or not. Certain circumstances tend to breed more opportunity, some breed less. That's just the truth.I'll leave it at that for now.

This book also discusses the ideas around the 10,000 hour rule as well. If you aren't aware if it, there is a "rule" out there stating that it takes about 10,000 hours of "deliberate practice and work" for someone to become an "expert" at something. There are some naysayers of this, and that's fine. But logically, I think it makes a great deal of sense. This rule, in the book, applies to everyone from Bill Gates to the Beatles. 10,000 hours is a lot of time. You see in this book how a couple strange circumstances allowed some of these successful individuals to gain this time much faster than others. Right place, right time seems to come up a lot with the successful individuals mentioned in the book. I've been wondering myself how many hours I have put into certain actions and activities. How many hours have I put into drawing? How many hours have I put into running? Coaching? teaching? How many of those hours were "deliberate"? It made me wonder if I am truly working at becoming an expert at anything. Should I be drawing more often with more deliberate intentions? How would that change me? This i something I think I need to mull over for a bit. I am all for changing myself for the better... so how can I apply this 10,000 to that end?

What does all this information about circumstances and success and 10,00 hours mean for me, though? What does it mean for my son? Will he not be successful unless the circumstances are just right? Honestly, that's very likely he wont be if we are talking about "success" as it is defined by our society... which often means financially. That sounds terrible and almost like I should panic, until I look at it a different way. If I teach my son to work hard and get educated for the love if it and look for and seize opportunities when they come up, who knows where it will lead. If he is prepared and ready when an opportunity comes up, he can take it, or not, depending on what he wants to do. If he walks around in life, just looking for success, its going to be hard to find. Its elusive. It is set up for some and not for others through series of happenings and coincidences. If all my son looks for is this elusive and ever-changing path, he may never find it. But, instead, if he looks for opportunities to be fulfilled and happy, than success isn't as important. It may come or not, but he will be happy.

I'm pretty sure this is what success looks like. I love this picture.

We are only here for a short time. We cant take anything with us when we leave. All we can do is try to learn from our time here and improve our own experiences and the experiences of others' lives, if possible. If that result sin being rich and successful, great. But, if you're rich and "successful" but miserable, what's the point?