Crazy Dream

Last night I had very weird dream that is lingering with me this morning. I will do my best to explain and will save explanations for after the full story.

My wife had gone out for the evening. I decided that I wanted to get a beer, but I didn't have at home. For some reason I decided to see if my friend D (no need to use the real names) would like to have a beer. I headed over to his house in my car and send him a text asking if he wanted to hang out and have one. When I got there it was dark. I went up to his house but no one was home. I decided to let myself in. The door was unlocked.

After going inside I decided my next move would be to go get some beer using D's van. I found his keys in a junk drawer. I drove his van around the neighborhood a few times. (Sidenote: later on in the dream I "remember" that I did go buy beer, but at the start of the dream all I did was joyride around his neighborhood in his van) Next I went back to his house and went back inside. I started watching TV. I remember checking my watch and that it was 10 pm. I started feeling weird and sleepy in my dream. The next thing I know I was checking my watch again and it was morning. I had slept in their house all night! I ran outside, realizing I had made some mistakes and explaining would be in order. I thought of my dog and how I left her home all night. For some reason, I thought that my wife was out of town, so I wouldn't have to explain anything to her. I also realized I still had D's remote in my hand. I decided it wouldn't be important right then. I ran to his van again. I had left it unlocked the night before and all the doors were open. I had allowed his van to be robbed. I closed all the doors, jumped in, and started driving a little too fast and almost got in a few accidents.

This is where things get a little choppy, but stay on the same subject.

Jump to me on a public bus trying to get back to D's place to put his remote back before he gets home. D and family go to church and I realize I have a small window of time because it is Sunday. But then I realize D is sitting next to me, chatting away. I keep kind of responding but I am also upset by how long the bis ride is taking. I am thinking of getting off and running to get there faster. The funny part is that I keep thinking I can make it right before D notices, but he is right next to me!

Jump to a staff department meeting Monday at school, which I do have on Mondays with my exploratory group, which D is a part of. I see him covering notecards with red electric tape for some reason. I tell him I have something to let him know about. That I did something really bad and I'm sorry about it but I need to let him know. I then tell him the whole thing. I have no reason why I did all those things, I just explain that I did them. He was really nice about it. The rest of the staff at the meeting heard it to, but I don't care. I needed to apologize and make it right. I keep thinking that D is being way too nice about it.

Jump to me at D's house again. They are having a party. It feels like a couple days later. I am not sure why I am even invited. His wife is giving me well deserved evil eyes. I feel like a fraud. Then one of my high school runner's shows up saying they need to talk to me. I don't think this is weird that he's there (but it is). I  follow him to the kitchen. I think its going to be about where he wants to run in college. Instead, he leads me to another guy, an ex-athlete for me, named E. He is about in tears and starts to tell me that while on a missionary trip he found his purpose and can't run for me next year. He's crying and having a hard time telling me. I tell him its OK, but I don't have the heart to bring up the fact that he graduated 2 years ago.

Then I wake up. The dream, in detail and scope, was very real and felt like a real memory when I woke up. I still felt the shame from doing what I did. In my dream I kept thinking I must have been drunk or on drugs, but at no time int he dream did I do either of those things or feel that way. But even in my dream, my mind knew my actions where crazy and irrational and I was lucky it didn't get worse than that.

I want to adress a few things:

Firstly, I never hang out with D outside of work. Not that I wouldn't or that I don't like him. I do. He's awesome, but its juts not that kind of friendship. He's a work friend. Why I would let myself into his house, I don't know. I used to be able to do that with my friend, Steve. I could just walk in his house at really any time. I did so once late at night. I looked all over of him and found no one at home. I thought that was weird. I left and when I got to the driveway I saw his dad looking around his room, probably wondering who had just walked around his house.

I don't know why I took D's van or stayed at his house to watch TV. Maybe it was because I felt it wasn't doing any harm and that it was kind adventurous and fun to be off the grid. I was in a place no on expected me to be. I felt that feeling before when I used to house sit and dog sit for a lady down the street growing up. I was a teenager and found it fun to go to her house, water her plants, feed the dog, and just stay there for a few hours. I would just hang out and watch TV or look through her books and magazines. That seems really creepy now that I am writing this. At the time it was just a place to be where I knew no one else would be. I had space for a few hours completely on my own.

The shame I felt from what I had done was very real when I woke up. I didn't know what it was from at first when I was getting in the shower. I was playing yesterday over again in my head, wondering what I had done. Then I remembered the dream. I love it when I can remember dreams. I love it when they are so real and vidid like this one, but that also means I will have some residual feelings  left over, good or bad. Essentially, in my opinion, very realistic dreams are like simulations. You run a simulation of something you might do and it simulates how you might feel or react. Interestingly enough, I just listened to a podcast expounding on the idea of whether or not life might be one big simulation, like in The Matrix. The argument was not compelling. There's no way we could ever know, really, but it was a fun thought experiment for a little while.

I want to know why I would think it was OK to go their house for a BBQ or something so soon after I did all that. Why would I think that was OK? Even in my dream? Such a strange decision.

I look forward to telling D about all this. He will probably find it hilarious. What will be weird is that I will probably tell him at our meeting Monday, in a very close replay of the scene in my dream. Is the dream coming true? Is it some kind of psychic ability? Here's the real question... Would I fulfill this foretold event, if it had not been foretold? Whaaaaaaat?