"Baseball" or "We did it!"

"Loyalty to any one sports team is pretty hard to justify. Because the players are always changing, the team could move to another city…you’re actually rooting for the clothes, when you get right down to it. You’re standing and cheering and yelling for your clothes to beat the clothes from another city. Fans will be so in love with a player, but if he goes to another team, they’ll boo him. This is the same human being in a different shirt, they hate him now! Boo! Different shirt! Boo…"

— Jerry Seinfeld

This post is about baseball. Not just scores and stats and whatever, but I want to touch on why I love it and why I think "we" love it. 

Yesterday the Chicago Cubs made it official. They made the playoffs. They are having the best season they have had in a very long time. They have the 3rd best record in baseball. Unfortunately, they other two best teams are in their division They are going to have to play the Pirates in a 1 game playoff for the Wild Card spot. If you don't like baseball, this information may mean very little to you. Thats fine. Just know, that after a decade, the Cubs are in the playoffs.

I have loved the Cubs for a long time. When I was much younger I was a White Sox fan. I loved some of the players: Black Jack McDowell, Frank "Big Hurt" Thomas, Ozzie Guillen, Jason Bere, etc. (I was "that" kid,  with the baseball cards, who knew all the players on the team and some their stats). After going to see a Cubs game, though, I fell I love with them. They played the Expos, who don't exist anymore, in a 13 inning, low scoring game and won. 

Its a weird thing being a fan of one team for so long. Seinfeld is right. You are rooting for the jersey. You are rooting for a place and a stadium. I root for the players in that stadium in the correct jersey, but I am willing to get rid of you if you stink and get someone new so that jersey can be a winner. I am OK with this, though. I think I am really rooting for Chicago and the idea that is the Cubs. I love old things the way the are after being used and loved. I love the feel of something after it fits your hand perfectly from years of use like the way a car seat access you after 10 years as if it was made for you. I used to love the way my baseball glove felt after a season. The leather would bend and fold and shape the the exact specification of your hand. I think that's one of the reasons I love Wrigley Field and the Cubs. I love how Wrigley refuses to compromise. Yes, its been updated, but the ivy wall, the green steel girders, and the fact there is no parking anywhere are all part of the charm of the place. I also love their story. The lovable losers. It would be easy to abandon them and root for someone else, but that's not what its about. When they finally win a World Series again, after well over 100 years, the payoff of that feeling will be amazing.

The real question can be, "Why baseball?" Why do we love it so much in America? Why do people get attached to it? Its not as smash-mouth as Football, not as nonstop and exciting as Hockey, or as athletic as Basketball... so why so we still love it after so long? The answers to this actually lay within a 10 hour documentary on the subject by Ken Burns. I made time for that, but you may not have that kind of time. Its a strong commitment one must make. I think I will only try to answer the questions with my own personal experiences. 

I love baseball for the same reason may people do many things. I started young and fell in love. Its hard to describe exactly why one falls in love, but I will try to make a list of some reasons I can think of.

I always loved being outside on a sunny day, standing alone in the outfield with a sense of anticipation, but not fear. there was a calm readiness. I loved screwing around with team mates, laughing and making jokes, all while playing a game. Something very hard to do in some other sports. I loved that baseball is made up of a series of moments. Something might happen on each pitch... or nothing. You have to be ready for all outcomes. You prepare for all scenarios of "what if". I love that you get to hit things. There is almost nothing like the feeling of hitting a ball solid. Its as if the universe has aligned for this split second to allow you to become one with bat and ball and send it rocketing on its journey. The elation and excitement that comes the moment right before you make a diving catch is addictive. Once you see the ball leave the bat on a trajectory that is going to require you to dive, but you know you can make the play.... it's exhilarating. The mental head space I used to get into while pitching was crazy. The feeling you get after throwing the ball as hard as you can and watching the batter whiff and hearing that glove pop is like you just punched them in the face and knocked them out. The feeling you get from throwing a curve ball and watching their knees buckle before it moves back into the strike zone is like you just stole their car and got away with it. The sights and sounds of the game are things I miss. The light chatter of encouragement from your teammates was always comforting, even when they were just trying to get you to laugh. I loved when my third basemen, Jorge, would bring me the ball after a play, pop it in my glove with gusto, and give me a look and a nod. No words were needed. I love the rituals and routines involved. I love the superstitions and traditions.

I'm going to be having a little boy. I don't know what he's going to be like or what he will be capable of or want to do. I will not push him one way or another. I do think its important for kids to do things that are difficult and take a lot of practice and work and failure. In baseball, if you fail at hitting 75% of the time, you're still doing pretty well. If my kid doesn't like baseball, that is fine. But, if they do, I cant wait to sit in the stands and watch him as he experiences all those things I loved.

E.F.T. or Tapping

Ever heard of E.F.T? Maybe you have.... I hadn't until recently. It stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. It involves tapping certain spots and areas of the body that allows you to release negative energy. These spots are often used by acupuncturists and are called meridians. Its like psychological acupressure. I am sure there is a lot more to others might include here, but this is the main gist of it.

I heard of it on the first episode of a podcast called "The Human Experience". It was interesting at first, then I tried it. I think it might actually work. It sounds totally silly. If I told you to tap your head and face in different spots and say negative things you are thinking about to feel better, you would tell me I'm crazy. But, if I tell you its a real technique used by many called EFT, you might be more inclined to try it, as I was. I will get to my ideas behind this, but I will walk you through it first, briefly. If you search for "EFT" or "tapping" you will find lots of videos on it as well claiming to help with everything from stress, to love, to getting money.

The main tapping spots I learned about are on the hand in the "karate chop" padding area, the top of the head, the inner eyebrow, the corner of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, between lip and chin, the clavicle "U" shape under your throat, and under the arm on the upper ribs.

Basically you start with acknowledging what you have negative feelings about while reaffirming yourself. You might say something like "Even though I am mad at Bill, I still love and honor myself". You repeat this while tapping, in succession, the aforementioned spots. Then you go through repeating just the negative stuff like, "I'm mad at Bill", while tapping. After one round, if you feel better, you can go again and say something like, "I'm somewhat mad at Bill". Then you can finish with a round saying, "Even though I am still somewhat mad at Bill, I love and honor myself".

I went through one round just tapping. There is something to be said for these spots on your body, I think. There was a calming effect. I imagine its like when your mother or anyone gave you taps on the back while you were crying or sick. Its comforting. The tapping of these areas felt comforting.

I tried the tapping again with the mantras, if you will. I definitely found some release of negative energy. Something about repeating the words in combination with the comfort of the tapping helped to ease the tension of that thing I was upset about. I think by repeating a word or phrase in that way takes power away from it. It becomes less "special" or "important" through repetition. Think of the first time you swore. Big deal, right? Now, maybe not such a big deal. Still wary of it, but not a big deal at all.

I watched a video before my 8th grade classes on releasing stress. You just repeat what the guys says and tap. It's series of videos called "Tapping with Brad" I found on Youtube. He was actually the guest on that podcast. They are a little silly, but I can tell you I was totally stress free right before the kids came to my room. My 8th graders are like a cage of chimps. They're nuts, but I was super calm. I actually felt like I could have taken a nap right after the video.

Here's the thing: EFT may be completely, 100% real. Tapping might be totally real. Its also could be total bunk. I think the truth, like many things, lay somewhere in the middle. The mind can do amazing things, good and bad. If you believe negative energy is leaving your body, it will.  I believe that. If it takes and external stimulus to make it happen, so be it.

There are so many things out there of interest that people use on a daily basis that almost no one knows about, relatively speaking. In the year 2015, before my baby boy arrives, I want to find out as much as I can about the world that I was never exposed to or taught.

More and more I feel like my school and the education system wants us to churn out little worker bees that follow rules and stay in order and don't stray from the plan. I don't want that anymore. I want new experiences in hopes I can pass this information along to my kids and the ones I teach. EFT is interesting. I will probably keep trying it. It takes 5-10 minutes total and has no negative side effects. Why not try it?

Choosing a Religion?

I have been thinking about religion lately. I've been reading the book The Master Game: Unmasking the Secret Rulers of the World by Graham Hancock and Robert Bauval. I don't necessarily believe all the arguments they are laying out, but they do spend a great deal of time in the beginning of the book discussing the old Christian religions like Catharism, a dualist religion that swept through Europe in the 1200's. There's a lot more to it, but I won't get into the whole historical thing.

Catharism taught that there was a Good God an a Bad God. The Good God was all energy and light and souls. The Bad God created matter and the Earth and tricked the Good God into giving life to his creations molded from matter. This trapped the souls into the bodies. The matter around us and the bodies we inhabit were considered a literal Hell on Earth. There was no world below. This was hell. They had to try to purify themselves to get out of these bodies and turn back into light and energy, otherwise they would be continually reincarnated. Again, I am simplifying all this, but this is the gist of it.

My first thoughts on this are that life must have been really tough back then to believe that this material world was hell. They didn't believe it could get much worse than this. Wow. There were even stories of these Cathars that were being held prisoner for heresy before being burned at the stake and once given the chance to be burned, ran and threw themselves onto the fire to release their souls. That's crazy.

I bring all this up because my wife and I have had to start having conversations about baptism and what we're going to do. Neither of us really care for going to church or are very religious. I was raised Methodist. I enjoyed the time in my youth as a member of the church but became very disenchanted with the whole scene. I saw members of the church committing adultery together. We turned away a 15 year girl, a friend of mine, for being pregnant. We would kick out homeless people that wandered in from downtown looking for solace in God. (We didn't want the riff-raff around) I just kept thinking that this was the opposite of what we preach. As I got older and smarter I saw a lot of holes in the organized church. I think the Bible is more of a guide, not the exact words of God. Its a book full of stories with how to live and giving people a higher purpose, but is used wrong by so many people.

My wife was raised Catholic and had her own reasons for disenchantment. Her family is hardcore about being Catholic, though, even though most don't even attend church. They just associate their family with Catholicism. This was the cause of great struggle when my wife and I moved in together before marriage and decided not get married in a church. I also refused to convert, causing other issues. It wasn't a hard stance or an argument, I just didn't want to do something I didn't truly believe in. I'd be lying to everyone, including myself.

So, now we have to figure out how and if we are going to baptize our baby boy. Since my wife's family is so crazy, we may have to concede that one and baptize it Catholic. My parent and family wont really care one way or another. The problem is that that seems disingenuous. Neither of us really believe that any real, caring God would not accept a baby's soul if they died due to "original sin". If that is true, than that God is terrible. This is just one of the ways the Church tricks people into becoming members and making sure they continue to have members in the future. I don't think I believe in ANY organized religion. They all have so many flaws. I believe in stewardship and in helping others. I believe we should treat each person as good or better than we treat ourselves. I believe that there might be a greater power out there. I don't believe that a book, written down by dudes with tons of editions and versions, should be taken word for word as gospel. Or that you can take such a book and use some of it or the parts you agree with, but ignore other parts. You think the Bible says gays are wrong? Did you read the part about not eating shellfish? Ever had shrimp?

How can we baptize out child if we don't agree with the teachings? Do we have to just do it, suck it up, and make the family happy? My wife and I have also talked about how many churches are great places to form a sense of community and have a support network. There is a Mormon church close to the high school I coach at. I have several of the kids on my team. These families are all friends and hang out and help each other. These are great people and they have great kids! If I didn't have to convert to a religion that makes no sense to me, I would totally join this church for the network of good people. I wish I could find the same type of network outside of religion. I don't really want to bring my kid up to believe something I don't agree with in the first place. I mean, I figured it out after some time for myself that organized religion rings false, but it took a good chunk of my life before I saw behind the veil.

Here's the thing I am really getting at... Religions come and go in different types and versions of themselves. Christianity has been around for a long time, yes. But, the current versions of Christianity are relatively new. Just look at how many different types there are now? A Baptist is very different from a Methodist in their interpretations of the same words and ideas. Look at Muslims and the middle east. There are plenty of non-violent, perfectly normal, kindhearted Muslims. Then there are crazy ones that give them rest of them a bad name. The Cathars mentioned earlier were essentially killed off by the Catholics, even though they stem from the same root idea. Evey religion, though, thinks that THEY are the ones to finally figure it out. They believe that those that came before them were just dumb and didn't quite understand, but NOW we know the truth. That's silly, though. We don't know. No one KNOWS. We can't possibly. Someone saying they saw God while on a mushroom trip is just as valid as a Christian saying they had a religious experience while walking their dog or at church. Both could be totally right or totally wrong. We don't know. I don't want to have to choose one thing. I don't want to proclaim, "This is the one! I choose ______!"

I need to explore some ideas to solve our conundrums. I'm not sure what we will do yet, but there must be options. We can't be the only people that feel this way.

Missing Art: A Biological Need to Create

"If something - in this case, the arts - feels (emotionally) strongly pleasurable and compelling and thus is valued and actively pursued, this feeling state suggests that it must in some way contribute positively to biological survival. For one of the ways in which nature has ensured that we do things that are essential to survival is to make them feel good."
---- Ellen Dissanayake


I miss making art. I miss making Art with a capital "A". I haven't had much time lately to make anything, let alone examples for my students. I definitely haven't had time to make art that is important to me and allows me to be creative and feel the rush that comes from creating. I miss it.

I usually have a work of art that I can spend a little time on each evening, but each evening has been running errands, doing school work (grading, reading articles, etc.), or coaching. It's not as if my life is all work and no play, but the play right now is few and far between and doesn't involve art. I really don't think that's very good for me. There's something I feel I tap in to when I hit a groove while I'm working on something. There's a buzz. Its as if its not just me working on it, but I have tapped into some creative frequency and all I have to do use allow it to take me over. I picture it as some wavelength floating by in the air, once I in the right frame of mind to see it, all I need to do is reach out and touch it.... the next thing I know, hours have gone by and I have made a ton of progress on a work. I often have to step back and see what I've done because I wasn't even thinking much... I was just making.  I miss this.

I can tell I miss art because I've been crabby and more irritable. I feel like I'm not able to get "stuff" out of my creative system. I'm not as calm or happy. I feel as if something is passing by that's important and I can't see it. It feels like there's some beautiful astrological event happening that I know about, but I don't have time to go see it. Below is an artwork I made a little while ago about such an astrological event.

I read a book while taking classes for my Master's called Homo Aestheticus. In this book, Dissanayake lays out an argument that art comes from a biological and evolutionary need. We developed an ability to create art because it helped us evolve and is an ingrained biological need. Her argument is that almost anything can be art, but we all feel the need to make things special through alteration or arrangement. An example would be how people long ago may have decorated their water-carrying bowl because it took them a long time to make and it was important to them. Decorating it made it more important and something to take care of. But people arrange furniture, decorate their phone cases, rearrange their clothes by color, etc. and it could be considered art.

I think some people have more of a biological need for art than others. They have a need to create and do. This may lead them down many paths, but it is there. When I was working on redoing my garage this summer and building a work table and shelves, I was very happy. I could have worked on it all day. I wasn't making "art", but I was "making" and was very satisfied. I believe I am a person that has some kind of internal motor driven by creating things or arranging them. I think everyone has that, actually, but I need a little more creating to fuel my internal engine than maybe others do.

I think I could be making a lot of different things and it would satisfy my need, I just happened to choose visual arts a long time ago as my outlet. You'd think, as an art teacher, I would be making stuff all the time.... I really wish that was true. I wish I had time to make examples. I wish I could just be creative in class while the kids work, but, unfortunately, that is not reality. In reality, I have meetings 3-4 days a week during my planning times. In reality, I have to work on literacy standards and collect data to present at meetings about formative assessment. In reality, I spend a lot of my time on "teacher stuff" as directed from the powers that be and that stuff doesn't really involve art or satisfy my need to create.

So right now, I really miss Art. I need to make and create. I need to carve out some time for it soon or I feel I may start cracking at the edges. 

Time travel?

The idea of time travel has been around for awhile now. There are tons of theories on the subject, all of which I will not get into now... Too much to cover. I have thought about the ideas lately after revisiting some books and movies. 

It seems to me that physical time travel might be impossible or nearly so. The energy it would take is preposterous. There's also the fact that you would be atomized and would have to be put back together, in the right order one atom at a time. That seems highly unlikely. This idea is addressed in Stephen Baxter's "Manifold: Space". In this book, the main character travels through space by entering a series of gates that may serve as wormholes, but begins to worry about the effects on his body as he keeps going through them. I have even made some art work on this same idea. Seen below.

I read an article once that scientists figured out that individual cells held individual memories. If one were to travel in this way, just losing one cell might affect you greatly. What if our DNA was put back together wrong?

I think it's far more likely that any semblance of time travel will be through viewing time, not traveling through it. If somehow we were transported to another galaxy immediately, then looked back on earth, we could watch the dinosaurs roam. All we are is light particles bouncing of another mass of particles. Since light can only go so fast, though, if we were in another galaxy somehow, immediately, the light from earth would still be the light traveling from our past, thus showing a different spot along the timeline. Time is all relative.

I great book speculating on ideas like this is Stephen Baxter and Arthur C. Clarke's "Light of Other Days" where people can look through wormholes to see back in time. The book is about of it affects and how it changes society. Very interesting, plus those writers are awesome. 

I'm not so sure time travel would be a positive thing in the long run, no matter how it's done. There's something nice about "What's done, is done". Giving people options to see the past might be fun, but ultimately I think many would end up in a vicious spiral of watching regretful moments over and over again or reliving the good ones and not making new ones.

To see this possibility in action, watch the very first episode of the TV show "Black Mirror". In this episode, everyone has memory implants and can replay their whole day. Seems cool... At first. It's on Netflix and is a terrific show.

I'm not sure I will ever see gains in time travel theory in my life time, but the theories make for very interesting thought experiments.

Floating.... My first time in an Isolation Tank

I just left my first session ever in an isolation tank, or what many call "floating".

I had heard about isolation chambers while studying the artists Bruce Nauman and James Turrell. They had done some work ith sensory deprivation chambers, but a lot has evolved since then.

I have been listening to the Joe Rogan podcast backlogs lately. He talks a lot about the isolation tank, and even has his own. He speaks highly of them so I began looking into it again.

In my brief research and also listening to and reading testimonials, it seemed that my experience could be anything from a very relaxing nap to a full on psychedelic experience. Many stated that the experience could shake loose some cobwebs and get to the heart of things that might bother you. This aspect made me a little nervous to try it. Would I discover i was crazy? Would I discover some underlying problems i have never addressed? Despite all this I felt it was worth the chance.

I'll get some of the logistics out of the way first. The place I went to was very nice and the guy was very calm and professional (The place is called Cloud Nine Floating Center in Boulder). Two other people were there with me for appointments.The guy working decided to take us all back and tell us what we needed to know at the same time. Unfortunately, the two people with me were a little dim and kept asking questions he had clearly answered and gone over. Oh, well. 

Once I had the room to myself, I placed in the foam earplugs, rinsed off in the in-room shower, and began to try to fully relax. I also made sure to take my contacts out. These are all things explained to you in the introductory talk. Each room had towels, robes (if needed), a shower, and a tank. They also had the calming light from big salt lamps.

Once ready, I got into a tank that looked like a spaceship or a time machine.

It's got about 10 inches of water with tons of Epsom Salt mixed in to help you float in the water. About 1/3 of my body stayed above the water. Once I got in and shut the door, it was pitch black. 

Once I got comfortable and allowed myself to completely relax, it was very enjoyable. It took a few minutes to finally relax, though. Your body has to get used to the new environment. Turns out, it takes a but to get comfortable when there is nothing to feel.

As far as noise was concerned, I could hear some noises from the neighboring businesses, I wasn't too bothered by them. It was like hearing a few distant thuds and bumps. I imagine if I wanted to really trip out on silence I would need to find a more isolated place. 

At first I wondered what I should be thinking about. I felt I should think of profound things, but that's not where my mind wanted to go. I was forcing it for a little, but after awhile I completely chilled out and allowed my mind to wander. After a bit I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not.

That was the craziest part, but at no time was I freaked out or scared.  I just couldn't tell when I was dreaming or awake because when I thought my eyes were open, it was black and I couldn't really feel my body. Maybe my eyes were still closed..... I couldn't tell.

Time went by slowly at first. I felt like it might be a really long 90 minutes. By the time the soft music played to indicate the last 2 minutes, it felt like time went by very quickly.

I had a lot of random thoughts, images, and "visions", but they were fleeting and I don't remember what they were exactly. At one point I think I came up with a brilliant training idea for my cross country team, but I don't remember. More than once I felt like there were other people around me. Once I distinctly heard my name called from my left as if from a intercom. I almost answered it until I remembered I was the only one there. These things didn't freak me out, they just came and went.

Once I came out of the tank I felt a lot taller. I am already 6'6", but I felt huge because my spine stretched out. A few times in the tank I extended my body and felt my spine crack, pop, and align. I was very relaxed upon leaving the tank and rinsed off briefly. When I left and walked to the front, I found the guy working there reading a book about DMT. I bet that dude plans on getting totally mind blasted, then floating. Not sure I am ready for all that yet, but more power to him.

I definitely plan on returning and trying this again. I would also recommend this to others. If you are afraid of having weird experiences, or the pitch black, or the small spaces, there are options to have light or the door partially or all the way open. Floating itself just made my body feel great. Those who have a lot of stress or tend to carry it in your body or have chronic pain might benefit greatly from regular sessions. If you want to go that extra mile and get the psychedelic effects, I think a few sessions might do it. I may consider a little edible influences after I try it again a few times. 

On using your energy

Tonight I am still awake thinking about how I use my energy. I am drained. Its been a tough week teaching (just checking everything ready as I need to), I'm still recovering from a cold, and all the other life stuff that happens. For whatever reason... I have spent all my energy. I am usually not this tired , though, so I am trying to think of where it went. Where did I lose it?

Well, today my high school cross country team had a meet. It was hot out. The course was pretty tough. The competition was steep. The JV kids ran first. It wasn't pretty. Times were slow, efforts wet lacking.

I am usually a calm presence with my JV as most of these kids are nervous and need to calm down. They need a positive but calm energy. I don't usually think about this, I just do it. I can tell they are freaked out and don't need me to get them over excited. They don't need me hopping up and down and yelling. Again, this is something I just do and don't think about. But after their races today I was feeling some bad energy. There was a list of things I could blame it on, but the real reason was I was hoping for better performances. Not for me, but for them. That sounds cliche, but its true. When the kids all have a bad race, I feel that its on me and the training. I knew I needed to shake that feeling off for my varsity. So I actively and consciously changed my energy.

It had cooled a bit outside by this time and I wanted to see some better results because I knew were were capable of more. I ran over to the starting line just before they started gathering the teams for the gun. I didn't yell angrily at them or come up with some silly rah-rah speech, I was just intense and excited and positive. I told them to get after it and get into the battle. They responded. Both varsity teams did really well. We didn't win, but the race was intense and fun to watch.

I don't often think about the energy I am putting out into the world and how it effects others. I have always heard that giving off or possessing positive energy was good and the universe would respond in kind, etc, etc. I haven't thought about how my energy may effect others and their performance much. I just try to stay positive in both my teaching and coaching. Even if things don't go bad. I always feel like, "What good is it for ME to be upset?"

I feel like I know this stuff intuitively, but have never thought about outwardly. I am now wondering how I can use this or test this idea out. How much does my energy output actually effect the outcomes of not only my life, but others as well? Where does the intersection take place?

I preach about having positive thoughts a lot, but I am now wondering how I can use the idea of energy in training and race prep. How can I use this in my daily life to improve my outcomes and the outcomes for those people around me?

I am picturing my energy as these pulsing lines radiating form my body. As such, they will bump into and overlap with other people energy fields and energy lines. If my energy is the right frequency and tone, can it infiltrate and change someone else's? I obviously don't know the science behind this, but I' sure there are many scientists and philosophers and spiritual people that could weigh in on this. For now, for me, I am aware of these ideas and that's a step. I cannot say what direction that step is in, but I want to explore this idea more and see if I can use it.

Crappy Run

Today I had a pretty crappy run. "Run" is a strong word for what it felt like I did. I tried to fit in a nice, easy run before practice. My plan was to run a bit before practice with the team, then do a nice jog with them as it is the night before a meet. I got in two miles. My time would say I was moving pretty decently, but that shit was forced today. It felt like I was dragging a boulder. It was not fun.

I had an amazing run yesterday with my varsity: 3 miles to a hill, 6 hard ups and 6 hard downs and the run back. The way back I got after it a little bit. It felt good to run hard after being sick over the weekend. 

Today that run bit me in the ass. I barely got in my two miles and did not bother to go out on the easy run with the team, for which, I felt guilty.

The question here is, do I regret my run from yesterday, considering how badly my run was today? Were the benefits of that other run equal to what I lost doing only 2 crappy miles today?

I don't know the answers and I will not pretend and give you all a sage piece of advice about running that will be complete bullshit. I'm sure if you read this to the end, you may have run before and may know the feelings I'm talking about. The real point is that we've all been there. If you run, you know there are great days as often as there are bad ones. I can tell you, though, that I will be back out tomorrow, putting in my miles and getting ready for that next race. 

The easy thing to do would be to forget it and move on, but I don't think I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna tough it out tomorrow because that's what I want to do. Maybe that's not smart and that advice won't go on a poster, but I don't care. I run for me, so I'll be out there. It might suck, but I won't know until I get out there.

Art Lessons: Using Text with Wayne White

I promise not to turn this blog into an Art teacher blog with lessons and worksheets. But... I will bring up some lesson ideas if they lead to a larger, more interesting conversation. If you are here just for the art lesson ideas, skip towards the bottom.

For the past year or so I have been really interested in using text and words in my work. It started while taking classes for my Masters degree. We were studying the idea of synectics, which is basically combining two things that wouldn't go together. You choose two random words and put them into a "mad lib" type sentence like 'What if ____ were made of ___?" Using two random words you could get "What if elephants were made of hammers?" or something like that. Then you try to illustrate this idea. Its just kind of a fun project, but it got me thinking about words and how to use them in my work.

I had my best friend Steve send me some quotes or writings that I could work with. We have collaborated a lot in the past. He sent me some great stuff and I did my best to incorporate the text into the work. You can see the results below.

These were done with pen and watercolor. Around this same time I stumbled upon Wayne White. His work can be seen in many places, but he is most known for his work on the set of Pee Wee's Playhouse. As of late, he has been working with found paintings from thrift stores and painting words and text onto them, creating very interesting juxtapositions of text, meaning, and context. Below is just one example.

The title of this painting shares a name with the documentary about him called Beauty is Embarrassing. After seeing his work, I started to experiment with my own work. I was inspired by Cy Twombly's abstract lines and shapes and Ed Rusha's work (another artist that uses text and words in his work). Below are a few examples from this series. Each one was about a set of memories like road trips with friends or competitions from my past.

I plan to continue trying out the use of words and imagery. I am not done with the idea and it needs more exploring. 

Art Lesson:
As my interest in text in art grew, it began seeping into my classroom. I now fully embrace the idea and teach it as a lesson. My 8th graders start the year learning how to do graffiti and graffiti design. Its a nice opening lesson. We then move into clay, where they need to use a word or short phrase to inspire their work and must use it somehow in the work. They use slabs and other sculptural techniques to create a scene or diorama based on their ideas. This year, in order to really fire home the message that words have great meaning and weight, we did a short lesson on Wayne White. We looked at his work and then each student was given one example. They then not only came up with what it could mean, but had to come up with a response to the work by creating their own. We used magazines for backgrounds and drew our lettering and words on tagboard. We then cut the words out and glued them down to the background to create the response. Here is the example I made: The first image is by Wayne White. the second is the quick example I made in response. 

This isn't a life changing lesson, but its an interesting one for the for the students. Learning about loaded words, juxtaposition, and responding to another artist's work makes for a great 2-3 day lesson. What's best about this lesson is that I am interested in it. If I am able to teach what I like and what I find valuable and interesting in combination with all the mandated stuff (let's not go there), the lessons will be richer, better, and more interesting for the students.

Vivid Dreams

Last night I had a very vivid dream. I haven't had one that vivid or that lengthy in some time. I was listening to a podcast yesterday that discussed dreams and lucid dreams and I wonder if that caused it. I also wonder if being sick or getting healthy were factors.... or if it was just one of those things.

It wasn't a lucid dream, just very detailed. I was at my middle school, but, you know, it didn't look like my middle school... that sort of thing. I'm not sure why, but I was looking for extra shoes at one point for my cross country team. I found my principal and he told me that all the donated shoes were kept in the crawlspace under the gym. I went to investigate. Nothing weird happened in this dream really, it was just detailed and vivid. At one point I found the PE teacher's office and it had a huge basket of candy bars on it. The snickers bar, though, had M & M packaging. There are lot so other details like that I remember.

In college I became interested in dreams after watching Waking Life. If you haven't seen it, you should check it out. In one of my art classes they challenged us to try to find inspiration from our dreams by keeping a dream journal. We wrote down and snippet and drew out any imagery we remembered from the dreams. It worked. I began remembering more and more of the dreams. I could remember multiple dreams a night in full and complete detail. I could remember the feelings, the scenery, the smells... everything. I even had one or two lucid dreams that didn't last too long. It was interesting, but it became too much. I would wake up without feeling like a slept at all. It felt like I had been awake all night because of all the dreams. They were so vivid I can remember them in detail even today. I decided I had to stop and give it up.

I later met an artists who had lucid dreams every, single night! His work was all bout the characters and places in his dream world. I sounded amazing, but he assured me it wasn't so great. He was exhausted. He couldn't help but have these dreams, There are lots of people out there who actively try to lucid dream and can't. Meanwhile, he couldn't stop, even if he wanted to.

I have heard of different techniques to recognize if you are in a dream or not. Some people knock on doors constantly and say, "Am I dreaming?" When they finally are dreaming and try to knock on a door in a dream, their hand goes through it or something else strange happens. I have also read that light switches may n ot work in dreams and that electric clocks look scrambled.

I am wondering if I should get back into dreams and actively seek them again. I think it could be interesting and right now I am trying to break my normal routines and add some new factors into my life. Maybe dreams could be one of those things.

Running Sick

This being my very first post, to my very first blog... ever... I didn't plan on it being about running, especially while sick. I'm not sure what I will make this all about or the best way to start, but I am not sure there is maybe no better way to start than just getting right in.

Two days ago I ran in a 5K race. It was my fourth one in as many months. I coach a high school cross country team and love running myself, but I have upped my game as of late. Tips on how to prepare for a race when sick is at the bottom of the post. Feel free to skip the preamble if needed.

 To be more precise about why I changed my training, I felt like my lifestyle at the end of the last school year was way too unhealthy. I wasn't taking care of myself like I should have been: eating like crap, drinking way too much, not exercising, etc. I wasn't leading the life I preach to my athletes, let alone one that is healthy for any human.

In May, my wife and I had finally gotten the good news that she was pregnant (the months before this are a whole different set of stories). It was very stressful there for several months leading up to that, and a little bit more after. It was amazing news, but the stress leading up to that wonderful moment had caused a lot of anxiety on my part. I began questioning what was wrong with me and why it might be my fault that we couldn't create a baby. This lead to dealing with stress by eating badly, drinking more than my fair share of beer, and, finally, developing some form of hypochondria. I had never experienced that before, but it consumed my life for a few months. (Again, that might need to be discussed another time). The hypochondria was there when I got a really bad cold. My stress about it caused all sort of other symptoms and problems. My sickness lasted weeks. I thought I had cancer, liver damage, gall bladder failure, IBS, tumors, heart murmurs, etc. You name it, I thought I had it and was dying.

I made major changes to my lifestyle. I began running much more seriously in late May. I signed up for a race in June. I began eating better and drinking way less. I'm not even sure, now, how I snowballed to such a bad place. It just happened. I had let it happen.

Skipping a few months ahead of progressively training more, eating better, and have only a few beers a week,  I was on track to reach my new goal. I really wanted to run under 19:00 for the 5K. This 5K was even more special as it took place before a major cross country meet and my athletes would see me race for the first time, ever. I really wanted to do well. I trained my ass off for this race following my own training plan. Lots of long lonely miles on hilly roads, faster and faster 400's on the track, and very early morning weight lifting sessions.

The Thursday before the meet, which was last Saturday, I woke up with a sore throat and some stuffy sinuses. My first thought was allergies. Then I saw how many other kids and staff members were getting sick, too. I had/still have a damn cold. It hit hard Friday and I was not only unsure I would be able to race, but the hypochondria began to seep in again. Was my immune system still so compromised? Was I fooling myself that I was better? Am i just dying? Shit!

But, because of my changes and hard work, I was able to convince myself that I was fine and that I wasn't the only one sick. I was able to put aside the hypochondria bullshit, and concentrate on running, which felt awful. My easy 2 mile run with strides felt terrible; light headed, weak, slow, and other adjectives one shouldn't use when describing your exercise for the day. But, I couldn't let my team down. They wanted to see me run and I felt I had work way too hard for this. I came up with a plan.

I had about 15 hours to prepare for this race. I was grumpy about it, but I went for it anyways. I got a bunch or Ester-C packets, some regular Alka-Seltzer, Gatorade, a Kale Blazer Naked Juice, and started drinking lots of water. I forgot to mention I also woke up Friday with a horrific knot in my neck... the kind where you can't turn your head. That was yet another factor to deal with.

First, I took some of the meds so I could breath. Breathing is good. Then I sucked down a packet of the Ester-C. Then I drank a berry and spinach smoothie I had in the fridge left over from breakfast. Then I drank some water with Super Greens powder mix in it. Once my bladder and body was full of way too many vitamins, I began stretching and rolling the knot in my shoulder blade and neck with a foam roller and tennis ball. It hurt like hell. I hate the foam roller. We had left over Italian Beef sandwiches for dinner, but I didn't taste them. Nor was I concerned with what I ate that night. It would be amazing if I was able to run at all Saturday, let alone well.

Meanwhile, my wife is watching all this rolling her eyes and pretty pissed. Apparently I always get sick on long weekends when we can actually spend time together. I don't know if this is true, but maybe it is. I felt attacked for being sick and wondered again if it was because I was dying and it really is my fault. She thought I was being a big baby and wanted to go shopping for maternity clothes. To avoid conflict and be a good husband, I sucked it up and said yes. I was still downing water and vitamin C while my wife made faces at me.

It turns out she had completely forgotten that I was racing the very next morning and thought all my preparations were totally stupid. She thought I had another week. When I left the morning of the race she didn't say good luck or anything like that. She later felt bad for giving me such a hard time when she figured it out. I guess I couldn't blame her if she had forgotten I was racing. My actions definitely would have seemed silly otherwise.

Back to race prep. When we got home from finding some baby bump clothing, I started making preparations for the morning, packing my bag full of different vitamins and liquids and potions that might allow me to run. I went to bed at 9:30. I woke up at 4 to begin getting ready.

I drank some protein and super green mix and had a slew of vitamins. I then drank down a berry smoothie I made the night before. I also sucked down a vitamin C packet. I took one Alka-Seltzer tablet to help with breathing then ate some Mini-Wheats for some actual solids. The race was at 7:30 am, so I was trying to time it all correctly. On the way to the meet and drank some coffee, but not a lot. Just a little caffeine as this is my normal routine and I did not want too much deviation. I also had some Gatorade.

At the meet I started my warm up as usual. I felt okay. After about 10 minutes of jogging, I still felt alright. So far, so good. I hit the Portos... I timed that well, too. All was going to plan. 20 minutes before the race, before I did some warm up skips, I had a little more of the C and took some B-Complex Vitamins for energy. By the time the gun went off, I felt pretty damn good.

Skipping race details, I finished 7th overall in a pretty competitive race. I ran a 19:50, but felt pretty good about it considering. I ran my ass off and placed well. My team cheered me on and made me feel like the whole thing was worth it. I got over my hypochondria, I got past my cold, and even ran a decent race.

Today is Monday. I feel pretty shitty today. I can stop coughing and snot will not stop leaving my body. It sucks. But, on Saturday, for 19 minutes and 50 seconds, I felt pretty good.