Pregnancy Brain for the Dad aka Me

I have heard a lot about all the crazy, goofy stuff that happens during pregnancy. With my wife less than 2 months out for brining our boy into the world, I have felt like we have had a pretty even time of it. She hasn't been sick too much. Food hasn't been a major issue in either cravings or not wanting certain foods... only here and there occasionally. But this last wee the dreaded "pregnant brain" or "momnesia" struck hard. The weirdest part was that hit me even harder.

I have been trying to do a lot the last to weeks and will be doing a lot in the upcoming weeks to prepare for our young gentleman on the way. We need to move the office to make the nursery. I order to move the office to the basement, we need to finish the basement. This past weekend, I spent the entire Saturday doing insulation. Sunday I worked and then did all the outside work preparing for the first snow of the year. Monday I moved all the millions of pieces of drywall we bought from the garage to the basement. I have drywalling, painting, popcorn ceiling scraping, and furniture building in my near future. My weekends are booked. I am not listing this to complain. I am listing this because I did not mention the end of the year awards banquet for my cross country team I need to planned prepare for, the extra work for my actual job, and trying to get in some training. I am busy and tired.... or, as many know it, normal human life. Apparently, though, all this stuff has squeezed out other "less important" information. I will get to that in a moment.

In the brief research I have done on "pregnancy brain" on both mom and dad, the science doesn't show much, but there are quite a few surrounding factors that could be reason for it. Losing sleep can severely effect memory, and my wife has been having a hard time getting through the night, which means the same for me. There were also a few ideas that changing hormone levels, etc. could be the culprit. One idea I found interesting was that there could be an evolutionary reason for pregnancy brain. Nature is telling us to simplify everything else and focus on the baby. That would make a lot of sense to me, actually. I also read that, at this time, I, the male, will also undergo hormonal and chemical changes. I will also start nesting and may become more handy around the house. I have not noticed that I am more handy, but my list of stuff to do is very long. Usually I will be quite grumpy about this, but lately, I have been actually looking forward to it. That must be the chemical changes I am undergoing. I don't feel a need to drywall, but I'm not as cranky about it. Reflecting on anything else I find different in myself, I can't think of much. I feel a touch more stress. I am more tired from interrupted sleep. I am also starting to feel a need to read a book or something to prepare for this.

Anyways... here are two quick anecdotes on the affects of pregnancy brain on me and my lady.

Last week my friend Jarid told us of a good deal going on a a restaurant we like, Los Chingones. He asked in an email if he should me make reservations for Sunday at 6:30.... at least thats as far as I read the email. I was teaching and just told him that time works fine... go for it. Sunday tools around and we go to downtown Denver to meet them for dinner. We stopped on the way to get dog food, but nailed the timing. We got there right at 6:30. The place was pretty low key as the Broncos were playing at home. Denver shuts down for the Broncos. I found it weird we were the first of the party to drive as this is almost never the case. The hostess did not have any reservations made under my friend's name. Crap! I checked my email again and my wife checked hers. We scrolled down. The reservations were for the NEW Los Chingones location in DTC. Crap again! Thats like 20 minutes away! We thanked the hostess who said she would text the manager... she was really nice. I called Jarid as we were pulling out of the parking spot to tell him.

Me: Dude! I am so sorry! We went to the wrong restaurant (me laughing a little.. .wife not laughing).
Jarid: Huh?
Me: We're gonna be like 20 minutes late. We went to the wrong one.
Jarid: What are you talking about?
Me: The restaurant, man! We went to the wrong one!
Jarid: Nate, thats for next week.
Me: (Very loud laughing) I think we've lost out minds

We turned around and went back the the first restaurant. We told them the story. They laughed and took care of us, even bringing us a free delicious appetizer. We had gone to the wrong restaurant on the wrong day. That's totally ridiculous. Neither of us bothered to read the full email. We both prioritized it as low and moved on to whatever was next.

Then....Tuesday, I was scheduled to do a presentation at one of my colleague's college classes she is teaching at Regis University about literacy practices for teachers. She asked me to do this a really long time ago, saying it would be great to bring in a perspective on literacy from an art perspective. I agreed to it, set the date, and put it in the calendar. I worked really hard at the presentation and saw it as an opportunity. Now that I have my Master's degree, maybe I could moonlight some classes at a small university. I had a whole thing about language creating reality and showing a glassblowing video to introduce new vocabulary and passing out images to use and breakdown using a Frayer model, etc.

I had a plan for Tuesday, as well. It was my day to come home first after school to let the dog out, etc. I also needed to get to a local pottery store to buy a material that helps fix projects so I could repair some of my students' projects that had broken. The pottery store was only a few minutes from the university. The plan was go home, walk the dog, double check my PP, and leave the house at 4:15 or so. I could get to the pottery place a little before 5. I would run in, grab the stuff, and maybe even have time to grab a coffee before I needed to be on campus for the 5:30 class. Seems reasonable, right?

I implemented my master plan, all working to perfection right up to the pottery store, which I arrived at 10 minutes before 5. I left my phone in the car. I never do that, but thought, "I'll just be a minute". Well, the guy in front of me was ordering a million different things. He was in corduroy pants, a deadhead shirt, and had dreads. I am not judging the look, but apparently he works at a high school. I am envious he can dress like that to school. I wish I didn't have to wear dress past everyday and get clay all over them. He kept ordering different types of clay to try out on their pottery wheel, spending all sorts of money. Again.... jealous. By the time I left, it was 5:15. Not enough time for coffee, but I would still make it. I checked my phone getting in the car to get directions. There were several messages asking me if I was OK, where I was, etc. Uh oh. I called my colleague. Long enough story, shorter.... apparently the class started at 4:30, not 5:30. I was an hour late. A HOUR LATE!

I apologized profusely. I drove over there and met them at the campus pub which was having dollar beer night. No one else was there but our small group of graduate students. The undergrads had left... which I completely agree with. The group was really nice and allowed me to present how I use the Frayer model with images and discuss a few things. They even participated in the activity. So, I taught my first college class at a pub.

I don't know why I thought the time was 5:30. Did I come up with that number? Why didn't I double check with her to make sure I knew? Again, maybe this past week it wasn't a priority and the pregnancy brain bug decided to prioritize my life for me. I remembered for sure to text my buddy Monday and have him come over and help me move drywall around in preparation, ultimately, for the baby room. Did nature do this prioritizing for me? I don't know. I do know that, despite what I think I can do, I am having a hard time remembering everything I should or even having enough awareness to check on things twice. It could be sleep. It could be I have too much going on. Maybe I need some brain supplements. I don't know. But now that I have identified this thing, I am going to try to work through it.... oh yeah, I lost my sunglasses yesterday somehow, too.

If you are experiencing pregnancy brain as a mom or dad or whoever is involved with the incoming baby, do not feel bad about forgetting things an slowly losing our mind. You are not alone. Although, if you go to the wrong place at the wrong time, you might be.

Akashic Records

In the past couple months since I have started this blog and started to try to learn about different topics either to discuss on here or just for the sake of learning I have gone through many different  books, podcasts, documentaries, etc. I have yet to come across something so confusing and subjective as the idea of the Akashic Records. If you know what these are already, you know what I mean. I am not going to sit here and write about how they are true or not true. I think, in this case, the best I can do is put out the information I have gathered and reflect on it. If you are reading this and find this topic interesting, by all means, go do some fun research. There are a million podcasts and websites on the topic. Following, I will do my best to put together what I have gathered.
From what I can tell, the Akashic Records could be a non-local dimension of knowledge. It’s a plane of existence or consciousness where all the thoughts that have even been and ever will be made by humans exist. Our actions, thoughts, and feelings are all recorded in this place.  It may also be referred to as the Hall of Records or The Book of Life. It was made famous by a few people in the 1800's who could "access" it during "readings". Edgar Cayce is the one I find most interesting of this small crew. I am starting to research him. There's a LOT out there. 

In my quest for knowledge about this topic, mistakenly thinking it would clear up my confusion about it, I just became more lost and confused. It seems that these records have been used by religious individuals, shamans, mystics, spiritual guides, life coaches, psychics, and others. They have possible been referred to in the Bible, by the Druids, the Vedas, the Egyptians, and others. In the interviews and information I read and listened to, these records could be accesses through meditation, astral projection, through psychic readings, and more. Some experts discussed how they have guardian beings that watch over them. Some discussed how they use them to look up past lives. Some discussed that they could be one of the 11 dimensions needed to complete String Theory. It seems that they can be used by almost anyone for almost any reason. If you think that is too broad of a description, go and start looking these things up. It’s intimidating, actually. 
Due to the massive amount of information about Akashic Records and the many uses, I want to just briefly discuss the possible uses I found most interesting.

Firstly, one of the things Edgar Cayce used to be able to do, supposedly recorded from testimony and written accounts of what he said after accessing the records, was find helpful medical and health information. He supposedly told some doctors to use a nail in someone's broken leg to help heal it. This had not been done before (again, supposedly..... you can probably just think that I will not keep writing it). The nail worked! He also foretold of a time here a drop of blood could be used to find out everyone's medical issues and how to solve them. That, ladies and gentleman, is just about true. We can find out what's wrong, but now we are getting close to finding cures for things based on our own genetic makeup. Personalized cures for diseases aren't that far fetched. Could the Akashic files be used to advance health care and our strive for immortality? (don't pretend like we aren't trying for that). It seems that those who can access the records can find out useful medical knowledge. This could be because they now have access to everyone's ideas and knowledge or because they can access future knowledge. If the latter is possible, really and truly possible, then we should all be trying to access the records. If we can access the future where we have found a cure for cancer, we need to look for it like crazy. Cancer is one of my major fears. My mom had it when I was in first grade. She survived, but I know it runs in our family and I am very worried I am going to get it.

But back on topic... What if we figure out we can get health information from the future using the Akashic files? That brings up a few questions. If it is true, then why haven't we done so already to cure things like cancer and other diseases? Why don't those individuals who claim they can access the records use them to do this instead of doing readings on people's past lives? Maybe some people only have access to certain types of information, but that seems silly. I am not going to say that people can't see past lives and stuff, because I have no idea. It could be totally true and real. What I am saying is that if you have an ability that is so special and you can access something so amazing, why use it to solve small, individual problems? We should be using this ability to access it to help humanity? I feel myself getting worked up because questions like this make the whole thing seem like a big scam a lot of people a running to make money. In almost every interview I found a listened to on subject, not all, the person being interviewed mostly talked about themselves and how they got into psychic readings or how they figured out how to access the The Records, etc. Never did anyone discuss HOW they did it or WHY they think it exists or even the commonalties that exist about the records between individuals. It just felt like people making things up. Again, I could be way off base, but that's how it seemed to me. 

Back to believing that the Akashic Records are real and important.... Did individuals like Steve Jobs and Nikola Tesla have access to the records? Is that why they were so innovative. Tesla once said, "My brain is only a receiver. In the universe, there is a core from which we obtain knowledge, strength, inspiration. I have not penetrated into the secrets of this core, but I know it exists". Many artists, singers, writers, and others claim that at their most creative, they are no longer in charge of their  body but are like passengers. Some call this the muse. Could this actually be the Akashic Records? The idea of the "muse" has been around for a very long time. I have been working on a piece of art before and had to stand back and see what I've done after awhile because time flew by and I wasn't even aware of working. I just call it getting in "the zone". In this head space, I stop judging what I am making and stop thinking an just make it. It usually goes better. 

There was a little sic-fi time travel movie I watched once not long ago where an artist used a "magic" camera to take pictures of his canvas 24 hours into the future. He would then paint whatever was in the picture. In the movie they were terrible and looked like pictures someone found on shutter stock or something, but that's not the point. The idea of doing this could be similar to accessing the Akashic records. If what we are going to do already exists in the records, than there are no original ideas and works of art. They already exist and we just need to pull them down from the hallowed Hall of Records. This actually feels like it might take some pressure off. If I don't have to stress about coming up with all new original ideas every time I do an artwork, I might make more easier and faster. If the ideas already exist somewhere, I don't need to worry about where I got my ideas, how I got them, or how original they are. Obviously, I shouldn't be straight up copying others work, but I also don't need to stress about reinventing the wheel. I just need to make art and access "the muse" or the Records. 

I cannot put a pretty bow on this subject to wrap it up. There is too much out there and too many varying ideas and interpretations for me to just give one and say, "this is what it is". I am not sure I believe a lot of what was said in the interviews and article I looked into. It seems that people's ideas about what he records are and could be used for vary so much that there is no real consensus. I don think, as with anything like this, there are tons of people out there just trying to make a buck and making all sorts of stuff up. Oh, you can access a dimension made of knowledge but can only do readings of past lives? Riiiiigghhht. I do think its more likely that this plane of knowledge serves more like a muse. We access it while in the right frame of mind to come up with inventions and art and solutions to problems. I am not sure I buy that 100%, though. 

The best thing you can do is to search it yourself and see what you think. 

Crazy Dream

Last night I had very weird dream that is lingering with me this morning. I will do my best to explain and will save explanations for after the full story.

My wife had gone out for the evening. I decided that I wanted to get a beer, but I didn't have at home. For some reason I decided to see if my friend D (no need to use the real names) would like to have a beer. I headed over to his house in my car and send him a text asking if he wanted to hang out and have one. When I got there it was dark. I went up to his house but no one was home. I decided to let myself in. The door was unlocked.

After going inside I decided my next move would be to go get some beer using D's van. I found his keys in a junk drawer. I drove his van around the neighborhood a few times. (Sidenote: later on in the dream I "remember" that I did go buy beer, but at the start of the dream all I did was joyride around his neighborhood in his van) Next I went back to his house and went back inside. I started watching TV. I remember checking my watch and that it was 10 pm. I started feeling weird and sleepy in my dream. The next thing I know I was checking my watch again and it was morning. I had slept in their house all night! I ran outside, realizing I had made some mistakes and explaining would be in order. I thought of my dog and how I left her home all night. For some reason, I thought that my wife was out of town, so I wouldn't have to explain anything to her. I also realized I still had D's remote in my hand. I decided it wouldn't be important right then. I ran to his van again. I had left it unlocked the night before and all the doors were open. I had allowed his van to be robbed. I closed all the doors, jumped in, and started driving a little too fast and almost got in a few accidents.

This is where things get a little choppy, but stay on the same subject.

Jump to me on a public bus trying to get back to D's place to put his remote back before he gets home. D and family go to church and I realize I have a small window of time because it is Sunday. But then I realize D is sitting next to me, chatting away. I keep kind of responding but I am also upset by how long the bis ride is taking. I am thinking of getting off and running to get there faster. The funny part is that I keep thinking I can make it right before D notices, but he is right next to me!

Jump to a staff department meeting Monday at school, which I do have on Mondays with my exploratory group, which D is a part of. I see him covering notecards with red electric tape for some reason. I tell him I have something to let him know about. That I did something really bad and I'm sorry about it but I need to let him know. I then tell him the whole thing. I have no reason why I did all those things, I just explain that I did them. He was really nice about it. The rest of the staff at the meeting heard it to, but I don't care. I needed to apologize and make it right. I keep thinking that D is being way too nice about it.

Jump to me at D's house again. They are having a party. It feels like a couple days later. I am not sure why I am even invited. His wife is giving me well deserved evil eyes. I feel like a fraud. Then one of my high school runner's shows up saying they need to talk to me. I don't think this is weird that he's there (but it is). I  follow him to the kitchen. I think its going to be about where he wants to run in college. Instead, he leads me to another guy, an ex-athlete for me, named E. He is about in tears and starts to tell me that while on a missionary trip he found his purpose and can't run for me next year. He's crying and having a hard time telling me. I tell him its OK, but I don't have the heart to bring up the fact that he graduated 2 years ago.

Then I wake up. The dream, in detail and scope, was very real and felt like a real memory when I woke up. I still felt the shame from doing what I did. In my dream I kept thinking I must have been drunk or on drugs, but at no time int he dream did I do either of those things or feel that way. But even in my dream, my mind knew my actions where crazy and irrational and I was lucky it didn't get worse than that.

I want to adress a few things:

Firstly, I never hang out with D outside of work. Not that I wouldn't or that I don't like him. I do. He's awesome, but its juts not that kind of friendship. He's a work friend. Why I would let myself into his house, I don't know. I used to be able to do that with my friend, Steve. I could just walk in his house at really any time. I did so once late at night. I looked all over of him and found no one at home. I thought that was weird. I left and when I got to the driveway I saw his dad looking around his room, probably wondering who had just walked around his house.

I don't know why I took D's van or stayed at his house to watch TV. Maybe it was because I felt it wasn't doing any harm and that it was kind adventurous and fun to be off the grid. I was in a place no on expected me to be. I felt that feeling before when I used to house sit and dog sit for a lady down the street growing up. I was a teenager and found it fun to go to her house, water her plants, feed the dog, and just stay there for a few hours. I would just hang out and watch TV or look through her books and magazines. That seems really creepy now that I am writing this. At the time it was just a place to be where I knew no one else would be. I had space for a few hours completely on my own.

The shame I felt from what I had done was very real when I woke up. I didn't know what it was from at first when I was getting in the shower. I was playing yesterday over again in my head, wondering what I had done. Then I remembered the dream. I love it when I can remember dreams. I love it when they are so real and vidid like this one, but that also means I will have some residual feelings  left over, good or bad. Essentially, in my opinion, very realistic dreams are like simulations. You run a simulation of something you might do and it simulates how you might feel or react. Interestingly enough, I just listened to a podcast expounding on the idea of whether or not life might be one big simulation, like in The Matrix. The argument was not compelling. There's no way we could ever know, really, but it was a fun thought experiment for a little while.

I want to know why I would think it was OK to go their house for a BBQ or something so soon after I did all that. Why would I think that was OK? Even in my dream? Such a strange decision.

I look forward to telling D about all this. He will probably find it hilarious. What will be weird is that I will probably tell him at our meeting Monday, in a very close replay of the scene in my dream. Is the dream coming true? Is it some kind of psychic ability? Here's the real question... Would I fulfill this foretold event, if it had not been foretold? Whaaaaaaat?